Warcraft III: pain of chaos
by coldfire21046
Summary: A Warcraft III parody; need we say more? R&R!
1. Thrall's intro

Hey, cold's back with a new style. Now that I've realized that any serious fiction on here can be changed around and exploited, then published (no copyright), I've decided to stick with parodies and the like. I hope all y'all dedicated readers will like this almost as much as you liked my other schtuff. Enjoy! A/N:(blah blah) means thhoughts. Got it? Goooooood boy. Now read, dammit! * * * * * The Introduction-Exodus, Shmexodus, we're getting the hell outta here  
  
( Thrall walks out of his ratty shack, complete with wolf and all. It's eerie how he dresses so fast.)  
  
Thrall: What a screwed up dream! There were humans, orcs, rabid bunnies, birds of all colors, an old man singing the theme song from "Cheers", and a big thing of confetti? WTF??  
  
The Prophet: Ee he he..sorry, sent you the wrong dream ..damn you, "Old dead wizard dance/karaoke lounge"....anyways, you're gonna follow the damn waypointsi set out for no good frickin reason. Now.  
  
Thrall: (looking at map of area) Uhhhh....couldn't you save more time by going DIRECTLY? I'm supposed to be a dumass and I know that!  
  
The Prophet: Uhh...no.  
  
Thrall: Why not?  
  
The Prophet: Cause there wouldn't BE a level if we did that. Now follow!!  
  
(Turns into a bird, flies off, smacks into tree)  
  
The Prophet:!@#$!!@$!@#$!@#$!$(flies off)  
  
Thrall: I gotta learn howta do that. Turn into a bird, I mean, not curse in scribbly-talk. Anyway... ( walks on, eventually reaches encampment)  
  
Grunts: (jump out of buildings randomly) BOOO!  
  
Thrall: AAA!! GREEN MEN!( rides off, comes back quick) neva mind, im one too..s'whats up?  
  
Grunts: Uhh...you're our general??  
  
Thrall: ....ya..i knew that. So, onward! ( march off; Thrall pricks up ears like cat) hmmmm....I sense a cat!  
  
Gnoll: No, retard, it's me.  
  
Thrall: Like I said a cat....a big ugly bipedal cat.  
  
Gnoll: ...hell with this, it dont pay enough..attack!!( rushes Thrall, gets trounced horribly)  
  
Thrall: Wtf is trounced, anyway?  
  
(Uhhhh...its something SOME people do to sheep)  
  
Thrall: Ohhhhh.Anyways!did not need to know that.. ( keep going, see more cats..I mean gnolls)  
  
Thrall: Ja, anyway..( starts slaughtering) whoo-hoo! This is fun!( gains a level) Ohh, pretty lights.  
  
Narrator guy who's been sleeping on the job: wha..that's because you gained a level..you now have chain lightning..too much Bud..(passes out drunkenly)  
  
Thrall: Ooo, lets try it on those helpless Murlocs over there(zaps them) whee! This is fun.  
  
Murlocs: Ow! !@#$!@#$!@#$ing mother@#$@#$@er!  
  
Thrall: HAHA HA!!  
  
(Murlocs run off; Thrall comes up to the sleeping ogre)  
  
Thrall: Hehehe, a sitting duck had more of a chance... (Thrall leaves the ogre, who is now superglued to his sleeping ground)  
  
Thrall: I love superglue... (notices the forest trolls)  
  
Thrall: As far as I can remember, THAT one(pointing to the biggest) owes me money, and lots of it. ( wakes up troll) Hey, YOU! Pay up!  
  
Troll: (dazed, tired) huh...what?  
  
Thrall: Nerzhul got his ass kicked, so you lose. Pay!  
  
Troll: (gettin' really pissed) I told you before, Nerzhul got resurrected by the demon dude! ....In fact, you owe ME money.  
  
Thrall: hehe, I have to go now..(runs like hell) (reaches the midpoint just in time)  
  
The Prophet: Well, ya passed yer first test. Now, go over to Kalimdor. Now.  
  
Thrall: Well, aren't we bossy? First I had to go through the damn waypoints, now this? Why would I go there, anyway?  
  
The Prophet: Uhhh..they have fast food over there?  
  
Thrall: All right! I'm going! .....Now how do I get there??  
  
The Prophet: Sail west.  
  
Thrall: o_O mysterious answer...so complex in its wording, and verbose...  
  
The Prophet: Yeah, yeah, shaddap. Oh yeah, and bring Hellscream with you.  
  
Thrall: Aight, just talk normal for a while. ***** (Some indefinite length of time later...) Thrall: So, where's Hellscream at?  
  
Nerdy Peon: Uh, sir, we of class don't end sesnences with prepostions.  
  
Thrall: Fine then, where's Hellscream at, asshole?  
  
Nerdy Peon: I haven't seen him in 1.3245 months, sir.  
  
Thrall: ..right. Dammit, where the hell are you??  
  
(Builds base, does shit, eventualy the footmen come across the bridge)  
  
Footman: Orcish fools! Turn yourselves in, or we'll capture you!  
  
Thrall: Big frickin difference--attack! (Footmen get slaughtered; Thrall crosses bridge, sacks the town, kills footmen, etc, gets to hellscream)  
  
Thrall: Hellscream, you wuss! How could you get captured if even I could escape from here?  
  
Hellscream: Uhhh....they lured me in with what I thought was a karaoke party..  
  
Thrall: -,- riiight. Anyway, we're going to Kalimdor. I'm needing a Big Mac, sooner rather than later.  
  
Hellscream: All right, so we're going by ship. (Somehow hijacks ships on water--how does he DO that?)Ride, bessie, ride!!(sails into distance) * * * * * And so ends the first few sections of stuff, hopefully the funniest parody ya've ever seen(hehe, wishful thinking). I'll try to come up with stuff FAST, so review ASAP: it's easier for me to write. 


	2. Lordaeron's pain in the rear, pt1

Sorry about the delays-FF.net's new rulings on not supporting Netscape 4 have hit me hard. However, through much poking, prodding, and downloading, I have been able to upload..THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!  
  
Alright, a lot of reviews are starting to become whiny. To answer several questions(and some unphrased):  
  
A) I couldn't care less about my spelling. Don't tell me I have to spellcheck; I don't care enough. B) I am going to write the ENTIRE story out, painstakingly. Don't ask if I will write more. C) Hold yer damn horses!! I have a life, one that does not revolve around FF.net. Sides, if you think this stuff is easy, YOU try rewriting a script to make it funny.  
  
Anyway, on with it!  
  
* * * * * Part 2.a: Lordaeron's pain in the rear  
  
(Terenas's throneroom. The crow flies in, turns into our prophet.)  
  
The Prophet: (picking crow feathers off of his robe)Ewwwww Hello, y'old coot.  
  
Terenas:(pissed; slurred voice) Die, intruder! (Runs up to the Prophet, slips on personal red carpet, puts out back)AAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
  
Prophet: How pathetic. Now siddown 'fore you get hurt.  
  
Terenas: Alright, alright..s'why you here? Who are you?  
  
Prophet: Your doom!....err, wrong script...Take yer homies, go to Kalimdor..its rockin' there....  
  
Terenas: .....rockin'?!? You're older than dirt!  
  
Prophet: True, no need to get jealous....  
  
Terenas: Jealous?? I'm no'jealous..err.(collapses)  
  
Prophet: Heh. Well, I'm gone. See ya, young-timer! HAHAHAHA(hits head on ledge next to the opening in the roof) !@#$!#$!@#%$^&^%$#^!!!!!!  
  
(Uther's camp. Two footmen are arguing over an issue of 'Camp Cleavage' magazine....ya, anyway)  
  
Footman #1: It's mine! I ordered it..!  
  
Footman #2: No, it's mine! I found it..!  
  
Uther: Boys, boys!(takes the magazine) I hope you learned a lesson from this!(walks away)  
  
Footman #1: What just happened, Billy?  
  
Footman #2: We got hosed, Tommy. We got hosed.  
  
(enter Arthas)  
  
Arthas: My agent is so FIRED!! (Sees Uther) Hello, old fart.  
  
Uther: That's MISTER old fart to you, sonny! You gotta go defend Stahnbrad. It's defenseless....except for the large standing army of gryphons(away on a Mickey D's run, be back in a month--it IS on another continent.). Therefore, we're giving you 6 footmen to defend against all hell breaking loose. And to top it all off, your level cap is 2!! HAHAHAHApant, pant...err..HAHA!!  
  
Arthas: There had better be some profits old man, or there WILL be karma issues!(Uther had already left) DAMN! Alright, le's go!  
  
(Walks down the road toward Farmer Jerret)  
  
Farmer Jerret: Good day.  
  
Arthas: Go away.  
  
Maria: Hello.  
  
Arthas: Goodbye.  
  
Footman: Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the web this morning.  
  
Arthas: So!! Wanna make somethin of it?( foaming at mouth)  
  
Footman: (steps the hell away) Chill, man....people are staring.  
  
Arthas: .....hehe, oops. ( does bunches of side quests, kills many bandits, gains his troops...ya, eventually makes it to the gates)  
  
Villager running out the door: AAAAAAA!!!! It's pink, fluffy, and scary!  
  
Arthas: ...I have a feeling this will be rather frightening (walks in, sees the slave master in all his horror) ...I was right.  
  
( kills slave master, slave train gets away.....)  
  
Arthas: Don't worry, we'll get 'em back...someday.  
  
* * * * * (Arthas high-tails it over to Uther's camp)  
  
Arthas: They got away...and they came here.  
  
Uther: (sighs) Why do I think you'll be the death of me?  
  
(Awkward silence)  
  
Arthas: riight. So, I'm leading the attack, right?  
  
Uther: Right.  
  
(Arthas makes all those buildings and units, eventually the blademaster appears)  
  
Blademaster: HAHAHA!! We're using the captives as sacrifices to the demons!  
  
Uther: We killed your demons looong ago. Die!  
  
(Blademaster poofs away)  
  
Uther: Damnit. I wanted to kill it...  
  
Arthas: I will avenge those sacrifices!  
  
Uther: Dammit, don't give in to bloodlust, or you'll be as bad as them!  
  
Arthas: (foaming at the mouth...again) Now you tell me!  
  
( sees the blacksmith, walks over)  
  
Ferainor: Be vewy, vewy quiet! We'we huntin' dwagons! hehehehehe  
  
Arthas: Aight, if ye give me those riflemen I'll help you out.  
  
Ferainor: It's a deaw!  
  
(Arthas and the riflemen go and kill Searinox, bring back the heart)  
  
Arthas: We did it, so give me the orb!  
  
Ferianor: One sec....( goes inside blacksmith) Here ye go!  
  
Arthas: Damn, you're fast!  
  
Ferianor: (spontaneously combusts)  
  
Arthas: riiiiight, anyway..  
  
( Arthas gets orb, raises army of riflemen and kills the blademaster)  
  
* * * * * ( Dalaran. Antinodas is talking to the Prophet)  
  
Antonidas: Yer lying!! There's no fast food on Kalimdor, we've already checked!  
  
The Prophet: (pulls out McDonalds bag, waves it in front of Antonidas' face)  
  
Antonidas: No. I'm vegetarian.  
  
The Prophet:dammit.....there goes my bargaining chipok, never mind then. (Flies off dejectedly)  
  
Jaina: (appears outta nowhere) BOO!  
  
Antonidas: (almost goes into cardiac arrest, just makes it) Eeshus, you scared the crap out of me!  
  
Jaina: Sorry about the eavesdropping, but I had to know....  
  
Antonidas: OK, it doesn't matter anyway. You're going to meet Arthas to investigate the strange happenings in...that place. Now go!  
  
(Jaina leaves, just as one sorceress turns the other into a sheep...and the sheep bites her)  
  
Sorceress: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! ***** Well, there it is, in all its glory. Oh yeah, don't try giving me ideas for what to write about--some of those reviews were just plain strange(shudders). BAD IMAGES! BAD, EVIL IMAGES GET OUT OF HEAD!!(curls into fetal position..whimpering....whimpering.....) 


End file.
